I was told the other day that I have that.
A Fear of Expansion.
It was during a consult with David Ashworth. The man who taught me how to be an Emerald Heart Practitioner many years ago.
I’ve had a lot of clients since my first one. But I still go back to Dave when I get stuck on my own personal journey. When I get stuck on moving forwards spiritually, emotionally or sometimes just day to day life.
This journey through life, which we are all on, that ebbs and flows with its ups and downs. Sometimes it is easy and other times it is mighty hard to keep going. I’ve scaled the heights of ecstasy and plunged the depths of despair but right now I’m somewhere in-between the two. Which could be considered normal. Just plodding along and getting on with it. But I know that’s not enough. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
No, I’m stuck. I can feel the frustration of my soul. Like it’s saying to me “Bloody hell mate. Hurry up would you and get back on track. We don’t have a whole lifetime to get this work done, you’re already over half-way through this one. Yes, you’ve achieved a lot but you’re not even close to your full potential. And I for one don’t want to have to repeat this in another lifetime. Get on with it.”
The problem is, when you know this, how do you move forwards from it. Without bullshitting yourself with lame excuses and distractions. How do you move forwards past the self-sabotage and the self-resistance?
When you know all the spiritual, and motivational, quotes in the world aren’t going to cut the mustard. When you know the fluffy spiritual feel good brigade are just going to massage your ego and tell you “If it’s meant to be it will happen.”
Well, you know, sometimes it won’t happen unless you make it happen. Sometimes, if it’s meant to be, you have to do some hard work on yourself and show God you want it to happen.
And when I say God, it’s just a word. Call it what you like. The Universe, Goddess, Great Spirit, The Divine, etc. Don’t get caught up on a word. It’s just another distraction.
Let’s get back on track. When I’m stuck and want no nonsense spiritual guidance I have an appointment with Dave. The Emerald Heart Light doesn’t mess around. No bullshit. It doesn’t tell you what you want to hear it tells you what you need to hear. As uncomfortable as that is sometimes. It tells you the truth about your situation.
I’ve had to do that with many of my clients. The Guidance comes in and illuminates what is going on for a particular person at a particular time. It could be a rescue and repair mission for the energy system, a shifting of old fears, removing darker energies, dealing with a past life issue, pushing forward spiritual evolution or a multitude of other issues.
Right now I’m stuck, so I had a consult with Dave, and the Guides of the Emerald Heart stuck their two cents worth in. He has a ‘Fear of Expansion’ they said. Which is true.
It’s probably been true my whole life. There has been times when I’ve taken the bull by the horns only to let it drift when the going got a bit hard. As has been pointed out to me, I like to hide in the shadows. I crave the illumination of my soul but I don’t want anyone to see me doing it. The fear of what others may think plays a part in this, but I’ve broken that down before.
It’s a little bit different this time. The fear of expansion is not just about what others think. It’s also about being able to spread my wings, to be brave enough to take a step into the unknown and trust that everything will be ok. It’s about following my heart and trusting it knows where it’s going. My heart has a direct connection to God and carries the Light of my soul and the Light of God. Everybody’s does. It just comes down to whether you can cut through your own darkness to see that Light and follow it.
To cut through that darkness though you have to face up to yourself. And I mean really face up to yourself. To confront yourself with the absolute truth. No hiding. No distractions. No projecting outwards making others the issue. Only looking inwards and making yourself the issue until you see the truth of yourself.
Which can be painful. Even now as I write this I can feel the tenseness in my body. My mind wanting to put this in the too hard basket. Flee, flee, runaway it’s saying.
But a crack is opening in the heart space and the Light is pushing in. Will I step out of the shadows and face this fear of expansion?
I can’t give you the answer to that right now. But I’m trying. The consult was on Friday and I’m writing this blog on Sunday. The first post I’ve written for a long time. I’m challenging myself to get it out there. To get myself out there. And you, my friend, are reading the reality of my situation right now.
By posting this on my blog I’m telling you, and anyone else who cares to read this, that I am trying to move out of the shadows. Here you are world read this and I’ll tell you that I’m stuck on my journey. That I have a fear of expansion. That I like hiding in the shadows. I like the spiritual work that I do but just enough so that I don’t become too popular or well known. Because if that happened I would have to step out of the shadows. A Light would be shone on me and then I would have to face the reality of who I really am.
The question is can I follow my heart to do that? To be who I really am. To find out who I really am. To see my truth. To step fully into the flow of Universal Energy and let go of the fear.
I guess only time will tell. But you might read about it here.
You might also find that you want to step out of the shadows, step out of the fear and let your light shine bright. Be everything you can be. Anything is possible.
I’ll leave you with the first two Laws of Evolution:
Be brave, follow your heart. See where it takes you.
You never know we might end up in the same direction.
Till next time, take care,